ROFLMFAO, this is good shit!!!!

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They
Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom.Don't Disguise Your Voice.


3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.


4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".


5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All YourChecks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds."

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance W ith The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And AskWhy The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,"Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity ..
Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.
Its Called .. therapy.

this is to good to be true. I must be dreaming

Hey Wicked, my sister and I tried out #11 yesterday... totally confused the girl... was really funny. When we got up to the window, we all had a good laugh!

A man sits for 4 hours looking at his marriage certificate. His wife asks "what are you doing?" He says "looking for the expiration date".

Prison Vs. Work


IN PRISON
You spend most of your time in a 10X10 cell
AT WORK
you spend most of your time in an 6X6 cubicle


IN PRISON
You get three meals a day, fully paid for
AT WORK
You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it


IN PRISON
For good behavior, you get time off
AT WORK
For good behavior, you get more work


IN PRISON
The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
AT WORK
You must carry a security card and open all the doors yourself


IN PRISON
You can watch TV and play games
AT WORK
you could get fired for watching TV and playing games


IN PRISON
You get your own toilet
AT WORK
you have to share the toilet with people who pee on the seat


IN PRISON
They allow your family and friends to visit
AT WORK
you aren't even supposed to speak to your family


IN PRISON
All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
AT WORK
you must pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from our salary to pay for prisoners


IN PRISON
You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
AT WORK
you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars


IN PRISON
You must deal with sadistic wardens
AT WORK
They are called 'managers'


THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.

Now get back to work. You're not getting paid to check emails.

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Subject: $50


Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter." Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars" One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance." To this, Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars." Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!" Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out,but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!"

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started cussing.'


The 4 year old nods his head in approval.


The 6 year old continues, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.' The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.


When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'


WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, 'You can stay there until I let you out!'


She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'


I don't know, he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00 AM .." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.