Another Rambling From A Crazy Metalhead – The ‘Why Is There Only One Other Black Guy Here?’ Edition
Much like how our childhoods were spent watching any porn we could get our filthy hands on as an indirect way to understand other cultures, going to metal shows has been my indirect way of researching the metal demographic. Unfortunately for me, the metal scene doesn’t have much variety. It’s generally one part fat kid, two parts acne ridden kid, three parts introverted sociopath, and a nice sprinkle of too drunk to know where the fuck they are obnoxious asshole. The one thing they all seem to share however is that they are generally all white, and if you’re lucky a few are Hispanic. That leads me to an interesting yet stupid question; why don’t more minorities like metal? While there are some straight up awesome black musicians in metal, it doesn’t seem to make the black kids out there give a shit enough to stop listening to garbage like Pitbull long enough to give metal a chance. It’s pretty strange that metal shows have that lone token black kid much like a college frat party these days. I mean it’s not like you have to have money or a high GPA to like metal like you would to get accepted into a fraternity. Hell, I think most of the best and most diehard metal fans are clinically retarded anyhow.
On that note, don’t get me started on the lack of Asians in the crowd. Granted, I’m not terribly broken up over this since most Asians hate me. Maybe it’s because I’m tall enough to see over the front rail of the stage yet I still find myself obligated to stand in front of them. Aside from the awesomeness that is Chthonic, there is that one guy from Dragonforce and that really terrible band Dir en Grey worth noting. Oh and Matt Heafy has some Asian in the gene pool somewhere I’m told. I could just be drawing a blank again, but I’m coming up empty here aside from those. Why is it that they are absolutely insane about our metal bands coming to their country and demand bonus tracks for their metal albums, yet when they migrate to America they seemingly don’t give a fuck about metal? Does the anger and screaming help them get through their 21 hour day at the sweatshop in Taiwan, but when they have a nice cushy cubicle job here they only prefer John Denver and Mariah Carey to relax the soul?
Is it because so many bands like to sing about a fantasy world and dragons that Asians can relate, but only in the company of the rest of their country? Is it because we don’t talk about shooting our bitches and rolling on 24’s that a black person can’t relate unless they are completely alienated from everyone else? I mean we have songs of violence better than 50 Cent could ever fathom, so maybe if we threw a couple of slang words into some death metal we could quadruple album sales. While Eminem was talking about throwing his woman in the trunk and throwing her in the ocean, Chris Barnes would have already ripped her intestines out with a pocket knife, sodomized the stab wounds in her throat and eaten the charred remains. If Chris Barnes were to throw a couple of ‘homies’ and ‘up in herrrres’ in his material then we might be on to the first platinum death metal album ever.
So I conclude by saying that I don’t mean to sound terribly racist here, these are just the things that run through my small little brain when I sleep at night. If I wanted to sound like a stereotypical dick I will admit that my father and I hosted a cookout for Decapitated, Decrepit Birth and Fleshgod Apocalypse this past Monday. There were two black employees and one black musician making up the entire minority demographic for the event. All three of them put chicken, watermelon and cornbread on their plates. So at the end of the day, no matter what we listen to, we all still love chicken. I’m just saying.