Another Rambling From A Crazy Metalhead: The “At Least I’m Not Crazy Like A Member Of Slipknot” Edition.
In a recent Australian interview, Slipknot founding member Clown reconfirmed for the millionth time via interview how Slipknot are the heaviest, best band in the world. Much like the other members of the band, they are always the first to brag about how amazing they are while sounding stupid in the process. Being the guy who runs around on stage beating a beer keg as a drum isn’t an impossible task to duplicate much to your disappointment sir. An actual drummer is your bandmate Joey Jordison. You are merely a part of the stage show because I do believe that toddlers can take two sticks to a piece of aluminum. If you’d like to say your drummer is the heaviest drummer in the world, you might have a case there. At least he can fill in for the almighty Frost in Satyricon, who is infinitely heavier than your little shindig in case you’ve never checked them out Clown. If you want to say your band is the heaviest in the world, you should at least attempt to work on that. You are quoted as saying:
”Otherwise, why don’t you take your shirt off and tell everybody how hot you are and how you’ve gotta slow things down for a minute. We have never had to pretend what we are – what we are is intense.”
Haven’t you listened to your own album Volume 3? All that you have done was slow things down including how long it takes to record an album over the past decade since the release of IOWA. Now I challenge the heaviest band in the world to find me a single song by Behemoth, Goatwhore, or you know, the thousands of other bands out there who have never “slowed things down for a minute” and written a single modern rock radio ballad.
You know what else is sad? The official confirmation that Slayer, Anthrax and Motörhead will be playing 30-35 minute sets opening for Slipknot. I think the only way that is permissible is if Slipknot is limited to one song from Volume 3 and two songs from All Hope Is Gone. It’s kind of like having a bite of shrimp, a bite of lobster, a bite of filet mignon and then finishing your meal off with two bean burritos from Taco Bell.
Speaking of bands who should have been forgotten a decade ago, Limp Bizkit was signed to Cash Money Records this week. Congratulations, you are now on the same label as Busta Rhymes, Drake, Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj. Most people with any self respect or dignity would have taken the time to promptly kill themselves before reducing themselves to the butt of all jokes. However we have learned that Fred Durst is definitely not most people. It seems like he is more along the lines of a Jersey Shore cast member that continually feeds off of the hatred and backlash caused by their own ignorance, stupidity and lack of a skill set at being a human being to become an even larger douchebag sent from the deepest layers of hell to make our lives a little more miserable everyday.
Continuing in the theme of bands not knowing when to give up, Great White announced their 30th anniversary show next month in Hollywood. Of course it’s more or less a cover band of their own mediocre music since they are a revolving door of members making a mockery of an already laughable three decade span. This is happening the week of the ninth anniversary of them accidentally killing 23% of their fans in a nightclub fire which is by far even more of a dick move than trying to pawn off this current lineup as a noteworthy band anymore.